So, is there a difference in the above?
Of course, there is. There is a huge difference between a wedding and a marriage.
I think often couple confused the two where a wedding is marriage in the midst of all those excitement. But it is far from that easy. Weddings are fun, bubbly, positive, full of celebration and brimming with all those surreal possibilities. But in all those planning for the wedding, couple often don’t think beyond the altar. An alternate universe seem to take over. It’s always the mornings after that (honeymoon) when you asked, “How’s marriage life?”. They seem confused and said life is still the same. Or they might say, “I thought marriage is ……..”.Oppss!! Back to reality.
I guess thinking beyond the altar can be overwhelming. Although no one can guarantee anything but having an understanding that marriage start on the day you say “yes” might be a good start. I think marriage is a conviction, a commitment, having a good knowledge of whom one is married to and how you want to live out your life together. It’s not about that ‘dress’, the cake, the flowers, the music, the location, etc. It is not as simple as I know I am in love therefore I must want marriage, too. And you shouldn’t be wanting it just because everyone around you is walking down that aisle. Being pressured* into it is another thing altogether (*whether because of age, peer pressure, family or just wanted to be a bride) .
You should want marriage because you know you have each other to rely on through thick and thin. The two of you only grow stronger through each passing years and through each bump in the road you might encounter. Having an understanding on where you two would like to see yourself in 30,40 and 50 years time should be a great discussion topic. Of course being as objective as much as you can in such discussion. It’s not good enough to leave it to chance and plan a wedding without thinking about what lies ahead.
I guess the best question to ask if you are unsure if you wanted a wedding or marriage is to use this as a prompt:
“If you were unable to have a wedding at all – meaning no fancy celebration, no festival, no dream dress, no cake, no music or guests, would you still take the plunge and be legally bound to this person…. forever?”
ME: Marriage in my small feminist world view are
- respect, appreciating and treating your significant other fairly every day.
- an equal shared domestic and economic responsibilities.
- a healthy balance of “ME” and “WE”
- trust and honesty
- positive and active communication not being a critic
- you wanting to spend your life with this person not just because of the wedding ceremony
Thus – fancy, expensive wedding does not guarantee strong union. Again, minimalist would be my choice.