For obvious reason, I don’t have the magic pill that I can give to you so that you will find your perfect match. But there are things that you can do to figure out if you are on the right track. First thing first, you got to sort out your own feelings and emotion. Take responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and actions.
ASK YOURSELF (Be honest, now!):
1. Do you have other emotional baggage? If no – great! If yes – sort it out before starting a new relationship.
2. Are you emotionally, mentally and physically attracted to this person? Think about what is it about this person that attracts you?
3. Are you compromising? What’s the real reason you are with this person?
4. Are you making comparison? If you are – you are in the danger zone.
5. Are you insecure in this relationship? Why?
If you are answer mostly “No” to the above – please continue reading. If you answer mostly “yes” – you first need to get your life sorted. Talk to someone.
TO KNOW IF THE RELATIONSHIP WOULD WORK:
I often advice friends to go on a trip. Travel with your partner. A real long holiday, people. The best way to know if it will work is to go on a holiday. Not just a weekend. A good long one to see if you can stand each other; how you both deal with travel dilemmas; how you both work with each other when things don’t go well..etc. We often see more of the real person when he/she is out of his/her comfort zone.
“When you trip over love, it is easy to get up. But when you fall in love, it is impossible to stand again.” — Albert Einstein
TO MAKE IT WORK:
1. TRUST!! Yes, this is very important people. If you don’t trust your partner, why bother to have a relationship? It will only lead to disastrous outcome if you don’t trust him/her.
2. Accept each other’s habits. Come on! No one is perfect. Not even you. So instead of trying to change them to fit your requirements, learn to adjust to their habits. But if you really can’t live with their habits, it probably just mean you, guys are incompatible. Save the time and the misery – end the relationship instead of suffering in it. Give each other a chance to move on and find someone more compatible.
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” – Marilyn Monroe
3. Honesty & Communication. I think these two comes hand in hand. Try to have an honest open communication with each other. Don’t try guessing around and make yourself go crazy. Talk things through. If you need space, then tell the person that you need some space. Discuss any issue fully. Making sure that both of you understand the other’s perspective. If you start to get into a heated discussion, take 2 steps back. Calm down. Breath and try another way in conveying your message.
4. RESPECT! Both with words and in action. Don’t underestimate yourself and your power to create the relationship you want.
5. Be REAL! Real relationship is nothing like what you read in fairytale. It’s a lot of hard work, compromises, flexibility, adaptability, etc! No Prince Charming is going to come in his white horse and kiss you and then you will live happily ever after. It takes a lot of hard work, a lot of time and energy involved to create the happy and healthy relationship you envision. And, not all men are romantic. Stop fantasizing all those romantic chick-lit! It only happen in movies/books. But that doesn’t mean you can’t educate your partner. Just don’t expect them to behave like what you saw in the movie. Be real! This is the real world.
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” – Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets
Strengthening your relationship!The basic rules are:
1. Spend quality time together.
2. Keeping intimacy alive.
3. Communication! Communication! Communication! (Dropping ‘Hints’ will never work!)
4. Compromising! Give and take!
Happy Reading! Just my 2 cents!
- 6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal (thoughtcatalog.com)
- 15 Things Happy Couples Do Differently (lifehack.org)
- Are You Stuck in Self-Sabotaging Habits? (omtimes.com)
- Build a Better Relationship: Use Your Emotions to Deepen Intimacy (healthstream.typepad.com)