Life never goes according to plan

I’m sitting in my room doing nothing much and I just don’t want to think much but I am. Honestly, I think I’m getting a bit depressed. Yup, blamed on my “awesome crazy” personality. I don’t know why but I always felt that anything I want in life, firstly: never ever come easy and I always have to work crazily harder than other people. So it seems that way.  I think it’s also due to the fact that I never truly knew what I want or what I am good at in life. Things just seem to uncover itself along the way. I’m always the late bloomer.

However, I have noticed 2 distinct type of people in my life time. One that was just born to know what they are going to do in life and the other just listened to what other people tell them to do in life. These 2 phenomena are quite real and true among friends of mine. Some I just cannot stop envying because they knew exactly what they can do in life, talented and had all the chances in the world to help them get there. I should probably say born in the right place, in the right time to the right context. The other which I truly am sympathizing with where they never knew who they were and would just let people tell them what to do. The funny thing is they are not even aware that they are being told what to do in life. In that wonderful bubble of theirs, they thought it was all their decisions. Interesting isn’t it?

But the problem is I failed to fit into neither both type. I don’t know what I am good at, I don’t know what I can do and I’m not born with a golden spoon. Most importantly, I would not take *B.S from anyone trying to tell me what to do or what’s the right thing to do. So where does that leave me? LOL! 😛 I know some friends might even go as far as saying the poor little girl lost because she is without faith. **F#$@ acchooooo!

I do have faith. My faith lies in myself, in my hand to do what I want and wish to do in life. I am just depressed because I am tired of chasing after my dream, my passion and my ongoing itchy feet. I am in a space where I wish some magic would just made everything comes true without me having to lift a finger. p/s: Did I say magic that can make life come without disappointment too? Hmmmmmmm!!! I know ..  I know…. I shouldn’t be living in La La Land. But, do allow me to, sometimes.

I am just tired. I just want some magic powder to make life easier. Maybe some magic that place some bread crumb to lead me to the way I am meaning to live. Wait! Bread crumb? – Bad choice. Have you read Hansel and Gretel? You will know what I mean. Or should I sit on top of the tower and let my hair down so some Prince Charming on a white horse that would gallop by and rescue me from the dungeon of misery (misery of constant having to make decision).  Hmmmmmm! What if the Prince Charming turns out to a frog? LOL! See what I mean? I don’t like sitting and waiting for things to happen and yet, I am tired of constant need to make decisions/choices. 

Life is the sum of all your choices.  ~Albert Camus

Ya, life never goes according to plan. I am at a cross-road yet again. What should I do? p/s: Anyone has a Magic Mirror that I can borrow? Or a Harry Potter Wand?

“Alice came to a fork in the road. ‘Which road do I take?’ she asked.
‘Where do you want to go?’ responded the Cheshire Cat.
‘I don’t know,’ Alice answered.
‘Then,’ said the Cat, ‘it doesn’t matter.” 
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

That’s me for tonight. Cheerio!

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Michelle Bunt says:

    If it’s any consolation I don’t think I fit into either of those categories also. It has definitely been a very long process for me figuring out both what I am good at and what I like to do. However as you know, I am still in training, so the real test remains can I actually put the two together on the other side of study and create the life I want. I never thought i would ever get to a place where I would say this, but nowadays I’m actually grateful and completely at peace with the long process/journey/road I have taken. I still have some details to figure out of course but I’m ok with that.

    None of this probably helps you at all right now though. Just know that you are very loved. You have had a long and tough year and it is understandable that you are feeling the way you do at this point in time. I am confident that in time it will pass and shift.

    Thinking of you!

    1. jyhedgehog says:

      Michelle, you are always the sweetest. I am alright. I am just at the point where I’m just exhausted and don’t feel like doing anything anymore. LOL! I usually would bounce back quite quickly. Am just in the space where I prefer to moan about life.

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