I think whenever someone was to go for a surgery to remove a lump. The miracle word that we are looking for was that it’s benign.
But, really that was not the word I was aiming at. I guess mentally and physically, I was really well prepared for it. I was kind of imagining that the doctor would say, “Please have a seat. Unfortunately, I have to inform you that it’s malignant but this is what we are going to do.”
Ya, I know. I have a fantastic imagination.
Like in my previous post, I mentioned that I was not disappointed nor have any anger towards anyone or anything. Perhaps, I should explain further….
When I was to go for the CT-Scan and when I was lying in that machine. I was oddly calm. I was peaceful. There were no fear nor resentment towards anything. I had no regrets. And, I kept thinking to myself, this is odd …. how can I be that calm? And, my heart was smiling. Weird, wouldn’t you say so? I know.
But, if I were to bring the situation back to when I was 22/23. I can’t recall the exact age. You would understand better. Previously at that age, I had another surgery done. It was kind of an emergency surgery. To cut the story short, I had a severe pain. Mum brought me to the nearest hospital. Had an MRI done and exactly in the same situation as the above. But, at that time, my tears couldn’t stop rolling down my cheek. I was hateful towards the world. I was in pain physically and mentally. My life was flashing through my head like a depressed movie. I had so much regrets in my life and I was not ready. The short 15-20 minutes in there felt like eternity. I couldn’t stop myself for feeling sorry for myself.
What I am trying to say is that this time I was so peaceful, I think mainly because of my first experience and I re-examined my life. I was given another chance to live the life that I want. And, stay TRUE to myself. Which I did. That’s why I felt peaceful. I wasn’t scared, no hatred, and most importantly I had no regrets. I accepted death with an open arm if it is my time. I guess the only thing that I couldn’t let go off was my mum. I pity her in this sort of situation. I wished I could have done more for her.
Anyway, the thing is — all I want to share is my personal experience that everyone should try to live their dream. Live the life you want to live. Live life to the fullest and be happy! It’s really as simple as that. Everything else really doesn’t matter in the end.
And, yes….the result came back and my miracle word was again – BENIGN!