What Was I Thinking A Year Ago?

Last year November in Rarotonga, I wrote this post; however oddly enough I did not post it up in my blog. So, here goes:


You know what’s funny is that being in Cook Islands, it gave me some time to think about what I want in life. And, ironically what I want in life is totally opposite from my upbringing.

Being brought up in a typical Asian family, we are constantly being socialized into believing that the only way to go is to study hard, get top results, go to the top university, find a managerial post in a multinational company, buying a big house, buying big car, find a potential (husband/wife) who is equal as your (economic status = $$$$) or better, get married, build a family, bring your kids up and repeat the cycle.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying any of the above is wrong. Everyone follows a different path, but what I realized now is that the above path is just not for me. I know then, but I don’t understand it. Thinking that I was weird to feel how I felt back then. But, now being in New Zealand and understand what I understand now. I felt less lost. Understanding that there is nothing wrong in the way that I felt and want.

I was telling a friend just the other day, if I were to explain myself to people back home. They would categorize me as being lazy or avoiding the reality. LOL! The fact that I don’t want those type of accomplishments (money, career title, property….) that are expected of us back home and I don’t want to follow that path. Because if I did, I will be unhappy for the rest of my life and will die with a broken heart. I don’t want to be stuck and tied down.

For me, it doesn’t matter what people choose to do, the main thing is to stay true to yourself.  And, I want to stay true to myself. This is more spiritual to me than any religions in the world.  Too often, I see friends around me as they aged, they are searching for something to believe in. Somehow, I felt it is not religion that they need but to find that missing part of themselves. When you don’t stay true to what your heart and soul desire. When you abandon that; to follow the flow of the society and what is expected of you. You will begin to perished. When you don’t understand this, you will feel empty not understanding what is missing, so you turn to religion.  Hoping that religion will somehow fill up that emptiness in oneself. And, I felt that this type of longing prevent one from thinking or acting right. As when human start to use God as an excuse, that is when you can get trapped and it can get dangerous.

Anyhow, that is just my opinion. All I am trying to say is that sometimes the God or religion that one seek is really just within you. I know this because I am at peace with myself when I follow my heart. Just as simple as that. I will and need to follow my heart as it has always speak louder than my head and has never been wrong.

With ♥ from ☼ Rarotonga


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