Contradicting Personality

Sometimes, I just keep questioning myself if what I am seeking for is really what I’m seeking for. Maybe, it’s not what I want in the end. What if I am wrong. Just what if….how would I cope with it? Can I manage it? Would I be hurting myself? I don’t know.

I have been told this year by a friend that I have a rather contradicting personality. Which is true, I realised now. I never actually knew this side of me until someone actually point it out to me. I’m not saying it’s all bad but, it makes me think. Why the hell am I so contradicting in whatever I do?

I could be so optimistic one moment, turn around I could be so pessimistic…
I could be so confident in what I want one moment, and felt so lost the next….
I could feel on top of the world one second, and the next second I could be so down….
What is wrong with me?

And, the funny thing is, not many people knew about this side of me..coz I don’t exactly show it to anyone. Why the hell am I blogging about it then? LOL!

The thing is I am feeling lost now. I am questioning myself if what I am doing so far is the right choice? I’m asking myself  — what am I seeking for? Sometimes, I seem not to know what I want anymore. I felt confused. Sometimes, I felt like everyone is going forward and yet, I felt my life stagnant. Have I been making all the wrong choice or decision all this while? Or I am just seeing everyone’s good side — coz no one is going to show you their bad side of life. I don’t know. I really don’t.

To me, I know life is all about taking the risk and follow your dreams. But, somehow, at times, I felt like my journey there is just getting longer and longer.

I always felt like the choices I make at times would come back and haunt me. My choices are questioning me, — if my choice would take me forward. Have I make a good or bad choice? But, I know whether it’s good or bad, it’s my choice. My Path. My Life.

— this is the contradicting part of me again. I know thru all these choices, I will learnt to learn more about myself. Or probably finding my true self but yet, I am scared — scared of making the wrong choice. And, yet again, without making these choices, how would I know I have made the wrong or right choices. Life is funny isn’t it? Life is always contradicting in a way. At times, you just feel that it’s so right and at times, it’s just feel so wrong.

What do you think?

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